The "Skinny" on Self-Care: 5 Ways to Sneak Self-care into your everyday life

1. Mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness into your daily life 'should' be easy, right?  It's a simple concept BUT---when you are dealing with the in's and outs of your fast paced, day to day life you get distracted, preoccupied, and inevitably, 'mindfulness' is now at the bottom of your 'to-do' list.

Here's the thing, when we are mindful, we are present and when we are present we are inadvertently engaging in self-care using our senses alone. When we tune into the present moment using our senses we are able to slow down our bodies "fight or flight" response by relaxing the mind. Easier said than done, right?

A few tips to become more mindful include but are not limited to: take long body stretch, epsom salt-bath, tune into your breathe, engage in one task at a time (avoid multitasking); use your senses to feel, touch, smell, taste, and visualize a sense of oneness. 

The more you practice mindfulness the more it will become like clock work-pretty soon you won't even have to think about it!

2. Morning time

I remember discussing an article in English class as an undergrad on Walden; Walden introduced me to the simplistic notion of 'morning time' as well as the reciprocity of 'nature' and it's positive correlation to mental health. Because of Walden, I set time aside each and every morning, immediately upon waking to spend time with myself. Whether I journal, meditate, go for a walk, sip coffee on the veranda (aka my porch LOL)...I carve out time for me-even if its just five minutes!! Doing so provides me with clarity, focus, and balance-plus morning time increases the likelihood of engaging in more self-care throughout the day ;)

3. Pencil it in!!

Whatever yourself care is, PENCIL IT IN. Write down what day and time your going to attend your favorite spin class or when your going to read the latest new fiction novel at Barnes and Noble. Write down where your going to take 5 minutes to meditate, practice yoga,  and get your nails done. Write down when your going to take lunch. In your phone, on your work calendar; you get the picture. Not 'penciling' in daily self-care indicates that you are most likely not engaging in any self-care. Planning ahead is key.

4. Self-care Sundays

I make sure to schedule my self-care activities on Sundays'. Whether it be reading, writing, yoga, or meditation... I make it a point to give myself a little extra love and care on Sundays. Whether that be scheduling a massage, pedicure, epsom bath, throwing on a movie, and/or eating my favorite meal with a friend. Remember, you work hard all week - (Self-care) Sundays' are meant to reward you for that (as well as to prepare you for the week ahead-DOUBLE Whammy)!.

5. Commitment

You know that self-care is important, right? Self-care is mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually healing.  Self-care reminds us to slow down, embrace our presence, and restore balance. Self-care can take as long (or as short) as it takes you to brush your teeth. Commit. 

On Vulnerability

"We are never so vulnerable as when we love"-Sigmund Freud

This quote is so applicable, as it sums up exactly what I love about my job-the imperfect art of vulnerability. I so appreciate the rawness of vulnerability that is unveiled in the therapeutic setting. I am truly humbled and privileged to be able to witness other humans working through their fears and resistance in order to create a positive change in their lives. People often mistake vulnerability for weakness when in actuality, facing yourself and 'showing up' to treatment is the most noble and courageous thing that you can do. Freud said it best "Out of vulnerability will come strength". Cheers, to being brave and vulnerable.

Questions to Ask a Therapist Before You Schedule Your First Appointment

So you've identified a therapist, you are ready to take a leap of faith as you begin the imperfect art of counseling. Starting therapy for the first time can be a daunting and overwhelming experience; to be honest and open with yourself, let alone another individual can be super scary and anxiety inducing. On the same token, facing oneself in the therapy room is the most noble thing a person can do. Recall you already took the first step, applaud yourself for that-you're on your way to healing.

I would encourage you to write in your journal, make a list of priorities. Ask yourself, what's been troubling your mind? What takes up the most space in your head? What voice pops into your head time and time again? Are you listening?

Think about what you want to get out of therapy. What will your life look like when you no longer need therapy? What type of therapist (gender, sex, age, culture/ethnic group) suits your needs? Does it matter? Do a little research. Familiarize yourself with your insurance plan (co-pay, authorizations, etc.). No insurance? Consider asking your therapist if he or she takes a sliding scale to make therapy for affordable.

Inquire as to whether he or she has speciality. Ask your therapist if he or she has worked with clients struggling with the same challenges as you do. Most importantly, ask your therapist how he or she will be able to help you with your individual needs. Naturally, you want to be comfortable with your therapist, but more importantly - you want to be comfortable with the kind of care he or she will be providing for you- THAT will make all of the difference.

What to Expect in Your First Counseling Session

So ideally, prior to your first session, you've completed your intake form, discussed scheduling, prices and the unexpected (expected) cancellation fee's with your therapist, right? Next, you are preparing yourself for your very first session. I imagine that you are somewhat nervous. In fact, my anxiety level would go up if you were to tell me that you did not experience nerves prior to your first session. Maybe a series of thoughts and questions begin to flood your brain: am I doing the right thing? Should I back out? Do I really NEED therapy? If this is the case, I invite you to remind yourself of all the reasons that you wanted to initiate therapy in the first place. Remind yourself that just because you (and everyone else around you) would benefit from therapy doesn't mean that you are inept or incapable of meeting your own needs. The truth is, who wouldn't benefit from a sounding board, a listening ear, and a little guidance from a professional? The thing is, when we are 'in it' (trying to solve a problem in our head), collectively, we have a difficult time teasing out what is best for our greatest good. That's where the objective and unbiased therapist steps in. 

Every therapist facilities the initial counseling session a little differently. One thing is for certain though, any legitimate therapist will expectedly review limitations of confidentiality and informed consent. Similarly, any competent therapist will review treatment goals and objectives. Once the formalities are completed, the client typically has the floor to address primary concerns and areas of clinical distress. Depending on your chosen's therapist style, he or she will guide you accordingly. For example, some therapists' might dive into scientifically studied techniques to assist the client in managing anxiety, depression, etc. Other therapists' might take a client centered approach, allowing the client to have full reins throughout treatment. What I'm getting at is, no two therapists are the same. Therefore, the expectations of the initial counseling session look different as they vary from clinician to clinician.

At this point, it is important to remind you that you chose the therapist you did for a reason. Whatever the case may be:  age, sex, cultural background, education, stylistic approach, etc. Trust your gut on the therapist that you chose. If you steered yourself wrong, you'll know because you won't feel better after therapy. If this is the case you can always change therapists. In fact, I encourage you to change therapist if your not feeling better after the third or fourth session.

In conclusion, I invite you to expect the unexpected in your first counseling session. Allow yourself to be open and trust the therapeutic process. 

Frequently Asked Questions about Counseling

What is therapy? Is therapy different from counseling or life coaching? What do the four letters signify behind a therapist name? What are the different types of therapy? What is the difference between seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist? What is the therapeutic process? 

If you're asking yourself these questions your in the right place. The truth is, therapy comes in all shapes and sizes. There are no two therapists of the same background, experience, culture, or beliefs. Therapy isn't infinite! Treatment goals exist for a reason. People often fear that once they are in therapy they are committed for eternity. You want to get better right? The relationship between you and your therapist is collaborate and integrative. Trust your instincts. You will know therapy is right for you because you will feel a rapport with your therapist.  If you don't feel better after a therapy session, STOP GOING. It's okay to shop around for the therapist that suits you and your needs.