Understanding Self-esteem: Calling Back your Power
/Whether you grew up in a privileged and prestigious household or you fall into the category of being raised in poverty, middle class, etc. Irrespectively, each and every individual embodies a varying degree of trauma which can be traced back to childhood. The truth is, very seldom do individuals’ escape childhood without an imprint of wounding from the environment in which he/she/they group up in.
So what does Self-esteem have to do with childhood?
Well, in childhood imagine you are a sponge soaking up anything and everything that comes into contact with your energy field. Childhood years are critical because you are programmed and conditioned to abide by cultural norms and societal expectations— you are molding and molded like clay. Unfortunately, there comes a point where the clay dries. Don’t worry, I am here to help you overcome conditioning and call back your power!
According to Self-Esteem Boston (2018), Self-esteem is measured by two governing principles:
1) Competence
2) Worthiness
Competence is the measure of whether you deem yourself to be ‘capable’ of any given task or ‘thing’. Were you punished for not getting that A in Math class? Maybe you were benched at all of your soccer games because you weren’t ‘capable’ of scoring that ‘winning’ goal. You get the idea.
Worthiness is the measure of how much you value yourself. Did your parents’ or teachers tell you that you weren’t good enough? Or that you’ll NEVER succeed? Did it appear as though siblings, friends, acquaintances were ‘preferred’ over you? Maybe you were picked on for being too fat, too thin, too stupid or too smart. Fill in the blank _______.
My guess is, you deem the words, phrases, suggestions of others regarding your competence and worthiness to be true, even subconsciously. I am going to help you change that and it starts with raising your conscious awareness.
I will now refer to the narratives of the competency and worthiness phenomenon as ‘The Inner Critic’ and ‘The Inner Coach’. See the tips below to better understand how to work with your inner critic and inner coach to gain more confidence and control in your life as well as to improve your Self-esteem.
Become aware of, acknowledge and honor your wounding from childhood. Know that you are not alone. Let yourself off the hook. Give yourself the same compassion you give to others.
Identify and distinguish between your inner critic and your inner coach (Hint: both are voices in your head, influencing your level of self-esteem (e.g. think angel vs. devil on your shoulders).
Now, identify your inner coach (i.e. angel; think words of wisdom). Your inner coach can be real or imagined. You want it to be something/someone that you look up to. It helps to think of qualities and characteristics that you value in yourself and other people. Your inner coach is going to be the voice you call upon the next time your inner critic (i.e. devil, negative self talk) comes knocking on your door. Imagine words, phrases, affirmations that your inner coach might say when faced with your inner critic.
Practice. It takes time to reprogram the conditioning that takes place in childhood, not to mention carried over into adulthood. Be kind to yourself and reward yourself along the way. Progress > Perfection.