On Boundaries

Boundaries.

This might be the one time that I encourage you to be selfish-with yourself, your kids, your spouse, mom and dad, your dog, you name it. Give yourself permission to be selfish in the sense that you take care of you and your needs first. I’m talking about diet, exercise, sleep, hygiene-yep you guessed it, self-care.

Your diet/self-care isn’t just what you eat its who and how you surround yourself; what your looking at online/social media, sleep hygiene, exercise, etc. How does it serve you, your mental health and well being to give into your instagram feed for hours on end, or to eat that gooey mac n’ cheese’ because you’re ‘lonely’ or your friend ‘wanted’ you to.

Whether you are working on personal boundaries with yourself, co-workers, family, friends, DON’T give into something/someone because it’s convenient or because you feel bad saying “no”. Ask yourself what you and your body really wants and needs before saying yes instantaneously. The more you listen to that whisper in your head the louder it’ll become.

Next time you are faced with a opportunity to test your boundaries try using the phrases, below as they are alternatives for saying “No” to something/someone that doesn’t serve you.

“Let me think about that”

“I’ll get back to you”

“I’ll check my schedule”

“You know that’s not necessarily something I want to put my energy in to right now”

“No thank you”

“Maybe next time”

3 Tips for Managing Anxiety

Are you experiencing rapid heart rate, tight chest, difficulty breathing? Are you over thinking? Having a hard time slowing yourself down? If you are experiencing any symptoms of Anxiety and stress, take this is as sign that you aren't listening to your body! Put simply, when you are experiencing increased anxiety, you legitimately have an excess amount of carbon dioxide in the brain. This is why the power of breathe and complementary health care techniques (i.e. meditation, yoga, dialectical behavioral therapy) are so powerful in managing anxiety and stress! Often I find that as humans we overlook the power of the mind-body connection and underestimate what we are truly capable of. My hope is that this blog post will encourage you to take your power back, in just three simple steps you can feel more confident in decreasing your anxiety, stress, while improving our mood.

1. Breathe - Whether its yoga, a guided meditation, take a time out and just breathe-even if its just for five minutes! Purposeful breathe assists with improving cortisol levels (directly related to stress) as well as the central nervous system, enhancing the mind-body connection.

2. Step into nature - go for a walk, take a hike, smell the flowers, lay on the pavement, walk in the grass. The point here is to ground yourself (literally), doing so will assist you with connecting back to Earths center; improving homeostasis as well as mental clarity.

3. Practice Gratitude - Just by practicing gratitude you are actuality reprogramming your thought processes as well as your emotions and reactions to extraneous stimuli on a neurological level. When you take a minute to reflect on what you have it becomes sacred. Overtime, with the practice of gratitude all of what you wanted fades into the background. You are blessed, you are clothed, you are housed, you are loved. I invite you to implement a simple mantra and/or prayer into your routine daily for best results.

How to find a therapist in Boston, MA

Most people wait a long time before they seek out counseling. You are a self-sufficient person, you do your best to use your coping skills. You talk to friends. You try to exercise, maybe yoga. And it is only when everything you can think of doesn't work that you reach out to see if therapy or counseling might help.

So How do you find a therapist in Boston, MA?

You go to Google or perhaps Psychology Today, my go to referral source for individual and group treatment. You can filter by location, insurance, and/or price of therapy. You can even search by approach and practice. If you’re still stuck, you can always contact your insurance carrier for therapist in your local area. Happy hunting =P

On getting back to the process

Full disclosure.

When I first started my private practice and began to build this website I told myself I would commit to blogging once a week, NO excuses. Ha! That lasted about a month or so before I ‘fell off’. In this case, ‘falling off’ for me meant enjoying my summer; traveling, spending time at the beach, with family and with friends. I made statements like “I’ll get to the later”, “I’ll do it tomorrow”, “One less week of blogging can’t hurt, right?” Well, days of not blogging turned into weeks of not blogging in this case.

Am I losing ambition? Do I really have what it takes to be a business owner? How is it that I can vicariously heal my clients with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationships, etc. when I am still battling with my own demons? It’s so incredbly easy to get lost in the spur of the moment yet as soon as a days worth of fun is over, you are alone again, in your head and in your thoughts. When this happens, you can just as easily get caught up in beating yourself up (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually) for not keeping your promises (or mine in this case).

Here’s the thing, I am only human. People have this misconception that therapists’ aren’t real people. I am not a robot. I am the complete opposite. I plunge myself into the depths of emotion. I have compassion and dignitiy. I have my faults and my setbacks but I keep going. Regardless of how often I “fall off” I always always always make it a point to get back to the process-the evolving process of life.

So next time you are feeling like you can’t get out of bed and get through the day ahead to manage your kids, relationships, mental health, WHATEVER the case may be-REMEMBER that it’s a process. Remember that you will have another opportunity for growth and success. Most importantly, remember to laugh because you know it’s not going to be the only day that you’re going to feel like giving up. Smile because you didn’t give up anyway.

Keep going. Get back to the process. When the going gets tough again (because it will) keep going. The only way out is through.

Fondly, dearly, sincerely,

Me

On Gratitude

I find Gratitude to be an elusive, blanket term used to remind us of all of the people, places, and things that we are thankful for, and/or lacking appreciation in. As a therapist, I find that the majority of people practice gratitude via prayer, journaling, making lists, and/or taking inventory of one's actions, thoughts, and behaviors in everyday life. While the former list may work for most, I've found that for me, best practice comes with cultivating the use of my own breathe. By using my breathe, I am able to tune my awareness inward, doing so helps to ground and center my mind-body-spirit; allowing the purest expression of gratitude to filter into the present moment. Now, the practice of gratitude isn't just good for our egos-it has been empirically proven to rewire our thinking on a neurological level, decreasing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Bottom line-do what works for you and keep doing it. Fullest expression.

 

The "Skinny" on Self-Care: 5 Ways to Sneak Self-care into your everyday life

1. Mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness into your daily life 'should' be easy, right?  It's a simple concept BUT---when you are dealing with the in's and outs of your fast paced, day to day life you get distracted, preoccupied, and inevitably, 'mindfulness' is now at the bottom of your 'to-do' list.

Here's the thing, when we are mindful, we are present and when we are present we are inadvertently engaging in self-care using our senses alone. When we tune into the present moment using our senses we are able to slow down our bodies "fight or flight" response by relaxing the mind. Easier said than done, right?

A few tips to become more mindful include but are not limited to: take long body stretch, epsom salt-bath, tune into your breathe, engage in one task at a time (avoid multitasking); use your senses to feel, touch, smell, taste, and visualize a sense of oneness. 

The more you practice mindfulness the more it will become like clock work-pretty soon you won't even have to think about it!

2. Morning time

I remember discussing an article in English class as an undergrad on Walden; Walden introduced me to the simplistic notion of 'morning time' as well as the reciprocity of 'nature' and it's positive correlation to mental health. Because of Walden, I set time aside each and every morning, immediately upon waking to spend time with myself. Whether I journal, meditate, go for a walk, sip coffee on the veranda (aka my porch LOL)...I carve out time for me-even if its just five minutes!! Doing so provides me with clarity, focus, and balance-plus morning time increases the likelihood of engaging in more self-care throughout the day ;)

3. Pencil it in!!

Whatever yourself care is, PENCIL IT IN. Write down what day and time your going to attend your favorite spin class or when your going to read the latest new fiction novel at Barnes and Noble. Write down where your going to take 5 minutes to meditate, practice yoga,  and get your nails done. Write down when your going to take lunch. In your phone, on your work calendar; you get the picture. Not 'penciling' in daily self-care indicates that you are most likely not engaging in any self-care. Planning ahead is key.

4. Self-care Sundays

I make sure to schedule my self-care activities on Sundays'. Whether it be reading, writing, yoga, or meditation... I make it a point to give myself a little extra love and care on Sundays. Whether that be scheduling a massage, pedicure, epsom bath, throwing on a movie, and/or eating my favorite meal with a friend. Remember, you work hard all week - (Self-care) Sundays' are meant to reward you for that (as well as to prepare you for the week ahead-DOUBLE Whammy)!.

5. Commitment

You know that self-care is important, right? Self-care is mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually healing.  Self-care reminds us to slow down, embrace our presence, and restore balance. Self-care can take as long (or as short) as it takes you to brush your teeth. Commit. 

On Vulnerability

"We are never so vulnerable as when we love"-Sigmund Freud

This quote is so applicable, as it sums up exactly what I love about my job-the imperfect art of vulnerability. I so appreciate the rawness of vulnerability that is unveiled in the therapeutic setting. I am truly humbled and privileged to be able to witness other humans working through their fears and resistance in order to create a positive change in their lives. People often mistake vulnerability for weakness when in actuality, facing yourself and 'showing up' to treatment is the most noble and courageous thing that you can do. Freud said it best "Out of vulnerability will come strength". Cheers, to being brave and vulnerable.